This Movie Is Gonna S-U-C-K!!!
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Ollie Stench



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 13697
Location: Hong Kong Noodles

PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look, there was a "person of color" in the French trenches.
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trailerdiva



Joined: 21 Sep 2003
Posts: 7675
Location: Alternate Reality

PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Someone had to shine their shoes.
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Ollie Stench



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 13697
Location: Hong Kong Noodles

PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, I just got back from this travesty of history and waste of 1080i HD tape.

Where oh where to begin??? I paid $2 to see it at the Hopkins theater. I almost demanded $6 be returned to me for restitution.

The acting is horrible, straight out of the WB Sunday night line-up. "Charmed" has better acting. James Franco, who was really good in "Freaks And Geeks" and passable in "Spiderman" is not a leading man. He comes off as a poor-mans' Christian Slater, who himself come off as a poorer-man's Jack Nicholson.

The plot follows no discernible line. It's more a mish-mash of scenes thrown together, almost like one director started the movie, got fired or fed up, and someone else was brought in to salvage the remnants.

The music was completely generic, and swelled at all the "right" times, noticeably so much that I started laughing out loud. The lighting, camera shots, etc were on the same level. It was as if the director wanted to take every "bad movie" cliche and put it into one film.

Almost every line uttered was a monologue or soliloquy about being "knights of the air", "making Daddy proud" and other such drivel. There was the racist asshole rich kid who makes nice with the "black man" (who, in 1917, ever called a 'negro' a 'black man'?) the night before he buys it.

The CG wasn't nearly as bad as I feared, but it still looked like I was playing a game of Red Baron on my 486. Which leads me into the historical inaccuracies:

First off EVERY SINGLE GERMAN FIGHTER was a red Fokker tri-plane. IN reality there were only 2 fully red Fokker tri-planes in the German air arm.
Most fighters were either Fokker DVII bi-planes or Albatross b-planes, and most of them were painted in what was called "camouflage" but was really a series of different-colored octagons. They had these planes doing stuff no airplane of any time, let alone almost 100 years ago, could do. I'm sorry, but these planes could not fly straight up, they would stall out at about 60 degrees. The CG effects had the airplanes ripping right-angle turns on the drop of a dime when in fact it took up to a quarter mile to turn one of the bigger birds around.

Pilots were often shown flying with their goggles perched on top of their heads. Now, they were flying in open cock-pits at around 80mph. in about 45 degree air temps. You would be almost immediately blinded without your goggles. Also, pilots were shown talking to each other while in the air. When you've got a 120hp LeRohn or Mercedes rotary engine blasting, air speed and distance you're not gonna hear what anyone is saying.

As I said before, as much as it pains me to admit, there was no way a 'negro' would have been allowed in the unit. Even as advanced as France was at the time the black man would have been kept down by The Man, an admission that is only announced in the ending "Where Are They Now" credits. True, the French infantry had mixed platoons, but according to HQ the trench-fighting infantry were scum and disposable anyway, so who cared if they mixed?

An hour into this film all I could think of is this: By May this will be a Sunday afternoon movie on TNT, right before they show another screening of Titanic.
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Adam777



Joined: 11 Mar 2005
Posts: 1133
Location: MPLS

PostPosted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ollie Stench wrote:

Almost every line uttered was a monologue or soliloquy about being "knights of the air", "making Daddy proud" and other such drivel.


This sounds like Episodes 1-3 of Star Wars.

That being said, to be as bad as you described it, even with the lowered expectations, it must have been one hell of a suck fest.

How was the scene where they guy runs on top of the exploding Zeplin? I though I recalled seeing that on the previews....

Should have just seen Snakes on a Plane. Wink
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Ollie Stench



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 13697
Location: Hong Kong Noodles

PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The scene with the guy on top of the balloon was in the final battle scene. The entire sequence of him on the thing was shown in the preview.

An hour into this thing and I turned to the person I was with and said "this is the worst movie I have ever seen". She agreed with me.

However, I did sit through the whole thing. I have only ever walked out of 1 movie and that was The Dark Crystal.
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dcgp500



Joined: 02 Sep 2005
Posts: 525
Location: Hiding in a bush at the bottom of nell's garden... waiting

PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ollie Stench wrote:

An hour into this thing and I turned to the person I was with and said "this is the worst movie I have ever seen". She agreed with me.


You and Zom agreed on something?
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Felix Havoc



Joined: 07 Oct 2003
Posts: 2678
Location: Minneapolis

PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't really think the French army had "mixed" units. They had colonial units with white officers and NCOs. Maybe in the heat of battle some units got combined at the battalion level due to high losses (like a metropolitan company and a colonial company next to each other).

I watched Paths of Glory this weekend. Still one of the best war movies.
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zom-zom



Joined: 19 Sep 2003
Posts: 8997
Location: Yggdrasill

PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dcgp500 wrote:
Ollie Stench wrote:

An hour into this thing and I turned to the person I was with and said "this is the worst movie I have ever seen". She agreed with me.


You and Zom agreed on something?


Ha ha.. I'm a girl.
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Artful Dodger



Joined: 21 Sep 2003
Posts: 4394

PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 9:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I watched War in Color: France is Free this weekend. Pretty interesting seeing footage of things in color that you are used to seeing in black & white. Different war, however. *** out of 5
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Reverend Phil



Joined: 22 Feb 2004
Posts: 3685
Location: under the light of Moonbeam

PostPosted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 1:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Finally saw this, wow holy clichefest, didn't hate it as much as Ollie, if you can totally suspend disbelief it's a tolerable light popcorn flick, but it's bound staight for T.N.T., the red Fokker thing bothered me a little, and the glaring historical innaccuracies were a little distracting, kind of a fairy tale really.
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Ollie Stench



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 13697
Location: Hong Kong Noodles

PostPosted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nearly 2 months on myself and the 2 people I saw this with still talk about how bad it is.
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Artful Dodger



Joined: 21 Sep 2003
Posts: 4394

PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 7:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Saw it this weekend on the little screen.
Can't add much to what Ollie said, it was pretty cliche'.

Most disappointing were the dogfights. I could have forgiven the cornball dialog and the cardboard characters if the dogfights were good, but it wasn't in the cards... Confused
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Jawknee



Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 1826
Location: FEAR--X-------LOVE

PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last night I had a dream I was flying a WWII fighter and machine-gunned a huge hole in the tail of a massive bomber and somehow flew through it. Sure, it was totally unrealistic, but super fun.
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Ollie Stench



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 13697
Location: Hong Kong Noodles

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ollie Stench wrote:
NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

http://redbaron-themovie.com/

read the synopsis, then kill me.


Code:
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=RedBaronTheMovie

Code:
http://myspace.com/redbaron_themovie
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Jawknee



Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 1826
Location: FEAR--X-------LOVE

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

okay, that's awful. how do you want to be done in?
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