I'd Like to Thank My Best Friend Mr. Whitebone

[vishnu666]

For helping me remember about "scary people."

For the first seven years as a cab driver, I drove the Wheelchair Accessible Taxicab or "chairvan."

Some fond memories:

Locked Inside the Memory Care Unit @ the Crappy "Warehouse" Nursing Home

These places were the worst. Understaffed, smelly, threadbare, crammed full of old folks with no family, or a family who didn't want them around because Mom or Dad had Alzheimers, or a stroke and couldn't function. There are plenty of these warehouses in Robbinsdale, Woodbury, Crystal, Brooklyn Park. Huge multiple building units with thousands of mostly old folks rotting away in wheelchairs, waiting to die.
I picked up Rose, about 60, at her daughter's large split level house in Woodbury. Plenty of room for Mom, but her daughter had other plans. Rose suffered a stroke. She couldn't talk or walk. People who can't talk spook me. They are also pains in the ass because they are no help with directions, the building and floor they lived, etc.
Rose's daughter obviously didn't care much about her Mom. She gave me a slip of paper with directions, building and floor #s, etc.
Me: Are yew coming with?
Daughter: No. Bye Mom! Will yew make sure Mom gets to her unit? We've had problems in the past with drivers who leave her by the front desk. Mom lives on the 6th floor.
The bitch gives me $20 to MAKE SURE.
This run was a piece of shit. The nursing home was in Oakdale, about 5 miles away. Rose, stone mute, smiled, obviously enjoying the ride, but didn't say a word.
I roll her out, up the ramp, into the building. It was a beautiful sunny day. Many of the residents with walkers with tennis balls, manual wheelchairs, power wheelchairs were outside catching some rays. There wasn't a proper patio or grassy area, just a wide cement ramp between buildings. I wondered if they were slowly trying to escape. I saw no staff or non-residents keeping the residents company. I roll Rose into the lobby. The TV room was full. The ubiquitous smell of piss hit my nostrils. The front desk was unoccupied, always a bad sign. I asked a resident where the elevators were. Two turns to the right.
I push Rose to the elevators and pressed up. I still had not seen a non-resident or staff worker. The elevator took forever. Finally. Four residents in manual wheelchairs exit backwards. I stick my foot on the door so it doesn't close.
I push Rose in and press 6. The sign next to 6 reads MEMORY CARE UNIT. I didn't know what that meant and didn't care.
The door opens on 6. Residents, all in manual wheelchairs rush the door. They want out.
GET US OUT OF HERE!
I WANNA GO HOME!
HELP US!!
I push Rose out before any of them can get past me and escape. The door closes behind me.
The lobby is packed. Every resident has a tray full of dinner gruel attached to their wheelchairs. None of the residents were standing. I guess being in yer wheelchair at all times was a rule.
Again, the station desk is unoccupied.
The noise is unbelievable. Half of the residents are pounding on their trays with knives and forks.
WE WANNA GO HOME!!
WILL YEW HELP US!!
THIS PLACE IS AWFUL!!
A small minority is trying to shout down the crowd of escapee wanna bes: SHUTUP!! SHUTUP!! IT'S NOT SO BAD!! EAT YER DINNER!!
I yell at an old man. He is angry all the noise is spoiling his dinner.
Me: DO YOU KNOW WHERE ROSE'S ROOM IS?
Him: WHAT??
I repeat the question, louder.
Him: LEAVE HER RIGHT THERE! SHE'LL BE FINE!!
Gladly. I push the down button. It doesn't light up.
GET US OUT OF HERE!!
SHUTUP!!
BANG BANG BANG!!
Still no staff member. I push the down button again. I'm starting to get creeped out, claustrophobic.
I spot the exit sign by the stairs. The door is locked.
I ask the old man: HOW COME THE ELEVATOR DOESN'T OPEN?? WHY ARE THE STAIRS LOCKED??
He looks at me and cackles. He sees I'm about to panic.
Him: THIS IS THE MEMORY CARE UNIT!! YEW NEED A KEY TO GET OUT!!
GET US OUT OF HERE!!
SHUTUP!!
BANG BANG BANG!!
I had to find a staff member or I was gonna lose it.
Me: WHERE'S THE NURSE??
Him: ON BREAK!! VISITING HER BOYFRIEND!!
I bolt down the hall. A staff member, a female orderly, Mexican.
Me: Where's the nurse?
Her: Que??
Me: The nurse! The lady with the key!
Her: Nolo comprende.
Now I know the powers that be are fucking with me.
A door slams behind me. I turn around. The large middle aged black nurse is adjusting her uniform. A huge male black orderly is behind her, smiling broadly, zipping up his fly!
Me: Are yew the nurse?
Her (obviously had heard me): Hah?
The "Hah"word being used against me. Somebody WAS fucking with me.
Me: I'm a Rainbow Wheelchair Cab driver. I brought Rose home.
She was enjoying my discomfort. Big time.
Her: I spose yew wants me to open the elevator.
Me: That would be sweet.
Him (smiling): Dem old folks gettin' on yer nerves?
Me: Sorta.
Him: Just ignores 'em.
We turn the corner to the lobby.
The residents had quieted down, eating their gruel. They knew the Nurse's routine.
Her: I hopes none of yew were giving dis man a hard time!
They all stared at their food. They were terrified of her.
She put her key in the elevator door. The door slid open.
Her: Yer welcome.

[Mild Thing]

I didn't even make it past the first paragraph before I popped some fish oil, a digestive enzyme and an aspirin.

[vishnu666]

[Reverend Phil]

yet another fucking horrible job I worked part time at.....the place on 32nd and Lyndale, in the memory care ward