WTF CHUCK??

 
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vishnu666



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 1240
Location: somewhere someplace driving yer drunk ass around

PostPosted: Fri Feb 14, 2014 2:06 am    Post subject: WTF CHUCK?? Reply with quote

WTF Chuck's steely colbalt blue eyes gaze at the bleak desert land and sky with the motherf*cking confidence of an Alpha beast atop the Food Chain. He hustles his sh*t and spits out a long slimy brown worm of chaw. The circling buzzards are crusting to plummet down from the sky and pick his a*s clean, if only they could! Chuck, bored of their circling, yells: HEY YEW PR*CKS!! FAMILIAR WITH QUANTUM PHYSICS??
While Chuck is appreciative of the buzzard's base line Gator brain intelligence, he is not beneath dropping the reins of his simple public stagecoach, grabbing his legally purchased licensed AK-47 machine gun and blasting them out of the sky! The birds pinwheel down and slam into the sand.
Chuck seeks solace from a fist-sized Grade-A crack rock, a simple hooker stem and a Craftsman Industrial Strength Blowtorch. It's as easy as 1-2-3. Put screen in stem. Place rock on top of screen. IGNITE!! Chuck becomes one with the smoke. CHUCK RIGGED IT SO THE FIRST HIT BLOWS THE TOP OF HIS F*CKING HEAD OFF!! HIS INNER EARS CLANG LIKE CHURCH BELLS!! HE CAN'T HEAR NOR SEE!! A FORCE FLATTENS HIM, MINI TORNADOES SUCKHIM INTO A GRAVITY WELL. Chuck hears the buzzards squawking. He grabs his AK-47, raking the horizon line with unfriendly fire. The horses are nervous. The tweaked a**hole is firing rounds barely over their heads!
Penelope (Penny) Peaches, Diablo Colorado's zestiest and wealthiest call girl, is having her way with Julio (Judas3000) Chavez, kingpin of the bloodthirsty Los Murderous Mexican drug cartel in the cabin of Chuck's stagecoach. The stagecoach rocks violently, wrecking Chuck's aim. Obnoxiously loud Mexican party music blasts from the cabin speakers. The rocking and the obnoxiously loud music stops, the stagecoach door flies open and Mr. Chavez crawls out in his hands and knees naked. He's in rough shape, bruised up with blood flowing from his ears and mouth.
Chuck asks: "Mr. Julio, this probably isn't a good time but . . . GOT ANY ROCK??"
The drug kingpin turns to look at Chuck. He shakes his head and tries to crawl away. The starving buzzards see their Blue Plate Special, swoop down, their bloodlust fully activated. Penny, also naked, pops out of the stagecoach, her AK-47 blazing. She tosses Chuck a banana clip: C'mon A**hole, we gotta save him! Penny engages the scrum, picking off bird after bird. Chuck slams the clip into his gun. He is completely fascinated with Penny's tic-toc tic-toc ass. She often bragged: I got the best butt in the West!
In the blink of an eye the flock vanishes. Not shot out of the sky. Vaporized. The terrified horses buck wildly. High and paranoid, Chuck feels their terror. Chavez picks himself up and tries to get back inside the stagecoach.
Chuck and Penny watch in awe as 13 Predator drones break the horizon line, wail over their heads at huge velocity and keep on going. Maximum stealth, their contrails are silver gray.
"WTF Chuck?" Penny murmurs.
"That's my name. Don't wear it out."
Chavez pops out of the stagecoach, yanking Penny back inside. Chuck, fully clothed, feels naked. He jumps down from his seat and yanks on the stagecoach door. Locked.
"PENNY!! OPEN UP!!"
"One minute! I'm not dressed!"
"For f*ck's sake!" Chuck swears, trying to yank the door off its hinges. It's unlocked. Chuck hits the dirt.
"Tee hee, yew fell down!" Penny teases
Chuck swears he's gonna choke her dead as soon as they get back to Diablo, a task much more difficult because the horses broke their tethers and split. Chuck purposely ignores Penny's kicky new yellow sundress, pointing at Chavez.
"How is he?"
"Deader than a box of rocks," Penny chirps.
"What did you do to him?"
Penny begins to cry. "F*cked and s*cked him. The usual. Some guys can't handle the best!"
Penny's mood brightens considerably after Chuck disposes of Chavez's naked corpse burying him in the desert sand.
Chuck crosses himself, even though he hates religion.
"I say a little prayer for you . . "
"You singing Dionne Warwick again?" Penny asks.
"Each day I wake up, before I put on my make-up . ."
Penny pouts: "For a straight dude, yer f*cking weird!"
Chuck knows Chavez is a wanted "Dead or Alive" narcoterrorist and drones were after him. Penny dumps out Chavez's satchel: Two fully loaded automatic pistols, a kilo of cocaine and a cheap burner cellphone. Penny picks up the phone, pressing the "ON"button.
"It works! I'm gonna call Triple-A!"
Chuck grabs the phone and stomps on it.
Penny is beside herself. "What the f*ck, Chuck?"
"The drones just picked up the signal and pinpointed our location. You just painted a bull's-eye on our backs!"
"THEY DON'T WANT US!! THEY WANT HIM!!"
"Wrong. No two bit whore has access to Judas3000's personal cellphone. We're Public Enemy #1's! The drones are coming back and their rockets kill with a very broad brush. We gotta torch the stagecoach. That might buy us a few hours."
"Where we gonna go?"
"I have no clue."
Chuck salvages two pistols, two full canteens of water, half a bottle of Jack Daniels and a quart sized Ziploc baggie full of Chavez-Ravine's finest. Penny ripped out the stagecoach's brown seat fabric to use as camouflage.
Chuck set the stagecoach on fire with his Sears Craftsmen's torch. It burned a spectacular blaze sure to catch the attention of the brave men piloting the drones sitting in a nuclear bomb proof bunker several states away. Chuck and Penny runs behind the biggest cactus they can find, digging foxholes in the sand with their bare hands, covering themselves with the brown fabric.
EEEEEE!!! the droves split the sky. Chuck says: "Hopefully they go for the stagecoach not us." KA-WHAM!! the drones' missiles hit their target. The stagecoach vaporized. Nothing left but 30 foot diameter blackened hole 10 feet deep.
Penny whispers: "Holy shit!"
Chuck says: "I reckon they're gonna send a couple jeeps around in the morning to see if there's anything worth pillaging."
Penny asks: "What now?"
Chuck said: "If this was a cheesy Hollywood B movie we would be boozing itup snorting blow and having sex."
Penny laughs: "What's stopping you?"


END


Last edited by vishnu666 on Thu Oct 22, 2015 5:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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vishnu666



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 1240
Location: somewhere someplace driving yer drunk ass around

PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 5:59 pm    Post subject: Re: WTF CHUCK?? Reply with quote

WTF Chuck's steely colbalt blue eyes gaze at the bleak desert land and sky with the motherf*cking confidence of an Alpha beast atop the Food Chain. He hustles his sh*t and spits out a long slimy brown worm of chaw. The circling buzzards are crusting to plummet down from the sky and pick his a*s clean, if only they could! Chuck, bored of their circling, yells: HEY YEW PR*CKS!! FAMILIAR WITH QUANTUM PHYSICS??
While Chuck is appreciative of the buzzard's base line Gator brain intelligence, he is not beneath dropping the reins of his simple public stagecoach, grabbing his legally purchased licensed AK-47 machine gun and blasting them out of the sky! The birds pinwheel down and slam into the sand.
Chuck seeks solace from a fist-sized Grade-A crack rock, a simple hooker stem and a Craftsman Industrial Strength Blowtorch. It's as easy as 1-2-3. Put screen in stem. Place rock on top of screen. IGNITE!! Chuck becomes one with the smoke. CHUCK RIGGED IT SO THE FIRST HIT BLOWS THE TOP OF HIS F*CKING HEAD OFF!! HIS INNER EARS CLANG LIKE CHURCH BELLS!! HE CAN'T HEAR NOR SEE!! A FORCE FLATTENS HIM, MINI TORNADOES SUCKHIM INTO A GRAVITY WELL. Chuck hears the buzzards squawking. He grabs his AK-47, raking the horizon line with unfriendly fire. The horses are nervous. The tweaked a**hole is firing rounds barely over their heads!
Penelope (Penny) Peaches, Diablo Colorado's zestiest and wealthiest call girl, is having her way with Julio (Judas3000) Chavez, kingpin of the bloodthirsty Los Murderous Mexican drug cartel in the cabin of Chuck's stagecoach. The stagecoach rocks violently, wrecking Chuck's aim. Obnoxiously loud Mexican party music blasts from the cabin speakers. The rocking and the obnoxiously loud music stops, the stagecoach door flies open and Mr. Chavez crawls out in his hands and knees naked. He's in rough shape, bruised up with blood flowing from his ears and mouth.
Chuck asks: "Mr. Julio, this probably isn't a good time but . . . GOT ANY ROCK??"
The drug kingpin turns to look at Chuck. He shakes his head and tries to crawl away. The starving buzzards see their Blue Plate Special, swoop down, their bloodlust fully activated. Penny, also naked, pops out of the stagecoach, her AK-47 blazing. She tosses Chuck a banana clip: C'mon A**hole, we gotta save him! Penny engages the scrum, picking off bird after bird. Chuck slams the clip into his gun. He is completely fascinated with Penny's tic-toc tic-toc ass. She often bragged: I got the best butt in the West!
In the blink of an eye the flock vanishes. Not shot out of the sky. Vaporized. The terrified horses buck wildly. High and paranoid, Chuck feels their terror. Chavez picks himself up and tries to get back inside the stagecoach.
Chuck and Penny watch in awe as 13 Predator drones break the horizon line, wail over their heads at huge velocity and keep on going. Maximum stealth, their contrails are silver gray.
"WTF Chuck?" Penny murmurs.
"That's my name. Don't wear it out."
Chavez pops out of the stagecoach, yanking Penny back inside. Chuck, fully clothed, feels naked. He jumps down from his seat and yanks on the stagecoach door. Locked.
"PENNY!! OPEN UP!!"
"One minute! I'm not dressed!"
"For f*ck's sake!" Chuck swears, trying to yank the door off its hinges. It's unlocked. Chuck hits the dirt.
"Tee hee, yew fell down!" Penny teases
Chuck swears he's gonna choke her dead as soon as they get back to Diablo, a task much more difficult because the horses broke their tethers and split. Chuck purposely ignores Penny's kicky new yellow sundress, pointing at Chavez.
"How is he?"
"Deader than a box of rocks," Penny chirps.
"What did you do to him?"
Penny begins to cry. "F*cked and s*cked him. The usual. Some guys can't handle the best!"
Penny's mood brightens considerably after Chuck disposes of Chavez's naked corpse burying him in the desert sand.
Chuck crosses himself, even though he hates religion.
"I say a little prayer for you . . "
"You singing Dionne Warwick again?" Penny asks.
"Each day I wake up, before I put on my make-up . ."
Penny pouts: "For a straight dude, yer f*cking weird!"
Chuck knows Chavez is a wanted "Dead or Alive" narcoterrorist and drones were after him. Penny dumps out Chavez's satchel: Two fully loaded automatic pistols, a kilo of cocaine and a cheap burner cellphone. Penny picks up the phone, pressing the "ON"button.
"It works! I'm gonna call Triple-A!"
Chuck grabs the phone and stomps on it.
Penny is beside herself. "What the f*ck, Chuck?"
"The drones just picked up the signal and pinpointed our location. You just painted a bull's-eye on our backs!"
"THEY DON'T WANT US!! THEY WANT HIM!!"
"Wrong. No two bit whore has access to Judas3000's personal cellphone. We're Public Enemy #1's! The drones are coming back and their rockets kill with a very broad brush. We gotta torch the stagecoach. That might buy us a few hours."
"Where we gonna go?"
"I have no clue."
Chuck salvages two pistols, two full canteens of water, half a bottle of Jack Daniels and a quart sized Ziploc baggie full of Chavez-Ravine's finest. Penny ripped out the stagecoach's brown seat fabric to use as camouflage.
Chuck set the stagecoach on fire with his Sears Craftsmen's torch. It burned a spectacular blaze sure to catch the attention of the brave men piloting the drones sitting in a nuclear bomb proof bunker several states away. Chuck and Penny runs behind the biggest cactus they can find, digging foxholes in the sand with their bare hands, covering themselves with the brown fabric.
EEEEEE!!! the droves split the sky. Chuck says: "Hopefully they go for the stagecoach not us." KA-WHAM!! the drones' missiles hit their target. The stagecoach vaporized. Nothing left but 30 foot diameter blackened hole 10 feet deep.
Penny whispers: "Holy shit!"
Chuck says: "I reckon they're gonna send a couple jeeps around in the morning to see if there's anything worth pillaging."
Penny asks: "What now?"
Chuck said: "If this was a cheesy Hollywood B movie we would be boozing itup snorting blow and having sex."
Penny laughs: "What's stopping you?"


END
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