Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Location: somewhere someplace driving yer drunk ass around
|Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:30 pm Post subject: Old Bad Bad Bunny Dale Busts Out of the Nursing Home
|Old Bad Bad Bunny Dale is trapped inside the Memory Care Unit of a flea bitten roach encrusted rat infested Section 8 high rise Nursing Home. A huge trouble maker, Dale's chain locked strapped into a wheelchair. He's in the piss stinking Day Room with 20 other patients. The Day Room overlooks a junkyard, a smoke belching steel factory, a chicken deconstruction operation and a whorehouse. Dale has a bowl of mush on a tray in front of him.
Dale: I FUCKING HATE MUSH!!
Sassy Black Head Nurse: That's alright because fucking mush hates you too!
Dale: Yew butt ass ugly! Yew must came out sideways and scraped the good skin off yer face 'cause all I see is ugly skin. When was the last time some fool tried to jam his pecker in yer mouth to shut yer ass up?
The Nurse, very angry, tases Dale, knocking his wheelchair over. The mush goes flying. Roaches and rats run from their hiding places and devour the mush.
Head Nurse: See what happens when you don't keep your mouth shut?
Dale: I'd rather eat a rat then fucking mush! That taser supposed to hurt? I just caught me some Nursing Home wood!
The elevator door opens. An empicably dressed middle aged white man, obviously a government official, a fat burly white cop with an enormous mustache, four female social workers of mixed racial types, and a morbidly obese black security guard step out. The patients, all in wheelchairs, try to make a roll for it.
Patients: Help us!! This place is hell! I want to go home!! Please!!
The elevator slides shut behind the guests.
Patients: I'll do anything!! This is worse than prison! Please let me go home and die in peace!
Head Nurse (to the Security Guard): Ernest Tubbs, how in the hell did all these ratty ass nosey Government people get up in here?
Security Guard: (very afraid of the Head Nurse): I sorry Nurse Johnson. The Officer said he was gonna shoot me if I didn't open the elevator.
Cop: That's his story. I only threatened to shoot him.
Head Nurse: Ernest, yer gonna wish he did after I get through with you!
The social workers have fanned out, attending to the welfare of the patients. The Government Bureaucrat tips Dale's wheelchair upright.
GB: There there fella! All better! What's with the bunny suit?
Dale: Sir it's a symbol of my personal freedom and individuality!
GB: Looks like you're plain nuts to me!
Dale: That might be true but I'm nuts in a good way!
Head Nurse: Dat boy lying through his dentures!
GB: Maybe so but somebody is going to jail! In all my years I've never seen such squalor! This place is a Torture Chamber!
The patients point at the Head Nurse: ITS HER FAULT!! KILL HER!! KILL HER!!
The Government Bureaucrat holds up his hands.
GB: Take it easy people! Here in the United States we have laws! How about I push her down the elevator shaft and set you poor folks free?
Patients: DO IT!!
The Head Nurse bum rushes and tackles the cop, landing on top of him. She tries to grab his gun.
Head Nurse (to the Security Guard). Ernest, you heard what this pig said! Help me!
Ernest rushes to help the Head Nurse. Dale rolls over, heading Ernest off at the pass. Ernest knocks over Dale's wheelchair. They are hopelessly tangled.
Meanwhile, the Head Nurse has wrestled away the cop's handgun. She shoots him in the chest at close range. He dies instantly. The Head Nurse stands up, pointing the gun at the Government Bureaucrat and the four social workers.
Head Nurse: Yew folks wanna know something I learned when I was a little girl?
The room is dead silent.
Head Nurse: Yew educated folks think yew can't learn nothing from a little black girl. I was taught to shoot the head off the snake, that way yew don't get bit!
The Head Nurse puts a bullet between the eyes of the Government Bureaucrat. He sighs, crumbles like a fleshy card table and dies.
Head Nurse: Ernest, get yer ass off that kook and fetch the elevator!
Ernest untangles himself from Dale and limps to the elevator.
The Head Nurse points the gun at the four social workers.
Head Nurse: I don't want to shoot yew gals but give me half a reason and yer dead! Ernest, throw dem gals a big black garbage bag!
Ernest tosses the ladies an "urban suitcase."
Head Nurse: Now put yer purses and everything in yer pockets in dat bag! I want yer money, credit cards, keys, cellphones, jewelry, everything. Yew leave one penny in yer pocket and I'll shoot yer ass!
The four social workers toss in their purses, jewelry, watches, cellphones as directed. The Head Nurse keeps the gun on them, watching them like a hawk.
Head Nurse: Ernest?
Ernest: Yes ma'am?
Head Nurse: Lock these women up in security chairs.
Ernest sits each woman in a security wheelchair and puts a locking seatbelt around each one. They cannot move at all. The Head Nurse still has the gun on them.
Head Nurse: Ernest, fetch the elevator!
Ernest: Elevator's been fetched!
Head Nurse: There's only one thing left to do.
The Head Nurse shoots Ernest in his ample gut. His yellow eyes scream: WHY??
Head Nurse: I shot yew in the gut so yew'd have a little time to think about letting THOSE PEOPLE on my floor!
And then the Head Nurse turns around and steps into an empty elevator shaft. The memory care unit is on the top floor of the high rise so her screams are long and loud.
Old Bad Bad Bunny Dale manages to free himself from his wheelchair.
Dale: WE JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES!! WHERE WE GONNA GO??
The patients: VALLEYFAIR??