Roland's Atari and Playstation 2 reviews
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:20 am    Post subject: Roland's Atari and Playstation 2 reviews Reply with quote

Game #1 - GOD OF WAR - Playstation 2

I purchased GOD OF WAR for the playstation last night. I took it out of its cellophane this morning and popped it in at about noon. I played it for 2 hours and am really quite impressed with it. Your character is an angry mortal/god hybrid (think Hercules but meaner and depressed) that kind of looks like Vin Diesel and carries two swords. The Gods call on you to destroy shit and kill people...what have you. I haven't gotten too far yet, but the controls are excellent, graphics are cool, lots and lots of blood, and even naked women that you can hump. After killing a hydra this morning, and the game having enough power to keep me trapped in a dark apartment building on a nice sunny day I would rate it an overall 8/10. I deduct a couple points for what seems like missions that may become monotonous after a while...but then again, you never know.

I must edit this post...after further playing of GOD OF WAR...like 4 hours last night, and I could've stayed up later if not having to work in the morning...this game is a definite 10/10 Best fuckin' game I've played in a long time!



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:11 am; edited 4 times in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

#2 DRELBS for: Atari 800

This game was made in 1981 for the Atari 800 system and it is quite strange. You are the character of an eyeball that scoots around on tentacles trying to form boxes in a jumbled mess of sticks. While you are forming boxes, there is a centepede-like creature that rounds the perimeter and shoots something at you occasionally. There is also a square with an angry face that moves about and trys to smash into you...if he does, you die. After making boxes, a dragon's head will sometimes appear inside them, and in doing so, he destroys your box and you need to repair it. Sometimes a damsel in distress will appear as well, and your job is to run into her and kiss her. After doing this, you're sent to some odd-ball shadowland in where you're being shot at by an angry monster while trying to collect shadows of your eyeball self...following this?
If you complete this task...you are sent back to box-land to try and do it all over again. The game gets more and more difficult with each passing level.

overall, I rate this game a 6 out of 10
deducting points for monotony. I do however love the character of the tentacled-eyeball, and the creepy music. The programmers of this game surely did many halucinogens.



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:41 am; edited 1 time in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #3 - ALI BABA AND THE 40 THIEVES For: Atari 800

This game is from what I understand the first role-playing game that came with actual images of characters that you could move around while on your adventure. Games that preceded this, such as ZORK were simply text-based and the user was only able to use archaic commands such as OPEN DOOR and GO RIGHT. Though this game is quite old, it is still extremely enjoyable. As Ali Baba, you hire as many as up to 30 players to go on your adventure with you. You can designate to which controller you want each character to be assigned to (1-4). After assembling your crew, you are able to go out on a quest to save the lovely princess from um....some bad guy, I forget who.
The game is full of dead ends and secret passages. The villains range from thieves to dragons, minotaurs, and even evil statues. Now the graphics are nothing to write home about, (most characters are simply heads, and some a bit less crude than your average stick figure) but it has a unique feel that I like. The music is really cool and the ruin writings throughout the game you read in a cursive-longhand that's fitting. A couple things I dislike about this game is the fact that once you've completed it, it's never as fun. There is only one real way to get to where your going, and everything else is merely set to sway you from your path. Another thing is when engaging an enemy in combat, there are extremely annoying sounds that blare (like a nuclear attack siren) whenever you strike a blow.

Overall, I give ALI BABA 7/10

(I had to edit this review...I decided to give it a 7 instead of a 6 because it was the first of its kind.)



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:43 am; edited 1 time in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game # 4 M.U.L.E. For: Atari 800

Most definitely a splendid game. It's like 'Sim City' meets 'Wall Street' meets Mars.

Backround: You are an alien (one in which you can choose, there are up to 9 types I believe) aboard a space ship headed to the planet Irata (get it Atari backwards). Along with you are 3 other different species of aliens from different planets. Your job is to colonize this planet, and in doing so, you harvest food, mine for smithore, and collect energy via solar panels. The object is to take these goods (when you have a surplus) and sell them in the market-place for profit. Whoever does the best for themselves at the end of 6 months is the winner.

This game is extremely cool, and I urge anyone who has an atari emulator to download it....you won't be disappointed

p.s. Watch for the Wumpus

grade: 9/10



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:44 am; edited 1 time in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
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Location: Lud

PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #5 DYNASTY WARRIORS 4 For: Playstation 2


I admit it...I'm a China history buff...a real sucker for the dynasties. Who doesn't like a good blood-bath based on factual events with larger than life characters that existed almost two millenia ago?

Backround: In Ancient China there were three waring states (Shu, Wu, and Wei) pitting their armies against one another in an attempt for one of them to take over all of China. Your object in this game is to first decide which side you would like to fight for, and then pick your favorite character in which to do battle with. Throughout the game, your character travels through mountainous terrain, large castles, and rushing rivers all while taking on groups of opponents by your lonesome. You can recruit bodyguards to help you along...but they're pretty much worthless.
In each battle stage, the goal is to take out as many generals as you can and rack up experience points and better weapons. You will also gather items that make the game more interesting, as well as unlocking different levels and characters. Overall, there are about 40 different character options for you to choose from...a nice size! This game is full of a lot of different secrets, and objects that are hidden...I suggest to go on to a website that will help you find all of these things, because as a majority of them are pretty simple to find...there are a handful of others that you can't find with a searchlight.
'Dynasty Warrors 4' was an extreme improvement over the third installment and is definitely worth the buy!

Overall grade: 10/10 This game is extremely addictive and I played it for days on end. I understand that there is now a Dynasty warriors 5 out as well....I'm anxious to see



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:47 am; edited 3 times in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 4:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #6 AGENT U.S.A. For: Atari 800

So you wanna be a special agent?
You wanna fight crime and save the world in an exciting manner?
Then avoid this game.

Actually, the game isn't all that bad. You're an agent (actually, just a white cowboy hat with legs) and your assignment is to track down the evil fuzz-bomb and destroy him before he spreads his fuzz plague over the entire nation. In this game, you travel from city to city by train in hopes of getting to the central location of "king fuzz". He resides in one city and from there he masterminds his operation. In every town, there is a ticket booth from which you purchase train tickets to travel from town to town. In some towns, there are also information booths in where you can view the entire nation and all the cities you can travel to. The info. booth also tells you what towns have fallen victim to the fuzz bomb, and what towns are still safe.
While on your journey from town to town trying to get closer to the "king fuzz", there are other people you come across that wander aimlessly around. They look just like you (cowboy hats and legs) the only difference is that their hats are black, while yours is white.
How do you kill "king fuzz" when you actually come across him? Well, you have crystals that you carry. You start with 10 and you need to get up to 100 to kill the big guy. If you plant a crystal on the ground, they multiply...sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly....the only thing you have to watch for when growing crystals are the other bastards in the black hats that try and steal them from you. Keep guard. As the plague spreads, the guys in the black hats turn into little running fuzzies. They look like dots the size of a thumb print that's all snowy like a t.v. on a channel that doesn't come in. If one of these guys runs into you, he can transform you into a fuzzy as well...then you've lost control until (or if) you ever run into a crystal to transform you back. You also use your crystals to transform fuzzies back into black hat guys.
Sorry if you still have no idea what this game is about...it's kind of difficult to describe.

Overall, I give this game a 4/10 it's ok...but not too great.



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:12 am; edited 1 time in total
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Germ War



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 3122

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Roland Deschain wrote:
Game # 4 M.U.L.E. For: Atari 800
This game is extremely cool, and I urge anyone who has an atari emulator to download it....you won't be disappointed

p.s. Watch for the Wumpus

grade: 9/10


I agree. Great game!
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my lips hurt...again



Joined: 10 Oct 2004
Posts: 726
Location: where the heat dont work

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 6:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

has anyone played the new lego star wars game? that kicks some serious ass.
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Max Action



Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 1445
Location: wasteland wandering

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm waiting for a Red Dead Revolver review.

And fuck, one for Double Dash, too.

Get to work.
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Double-Dash isn't a playstation or Atari 800 game....and I've yet to play enough of Red Dead to form a solid opinion on it. I've been too obsessed with GOD OF WAR lately, as you have been with RED DEAD REVOLVER.
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #7 B.C. For: Atari 800

The game B.C. is based off of the long-running comic strip that you'll find in the paper that comes from the fishwrap factory on the West side of the river (Star Tribune). You are a caveman who rides around on a unicycle complete with stone wheel, trying to avoid obstacles on your way to save your love. In the first stage, you merely have to jump over rocks that are jutting out from the ground until you reach the forest. In the forest you have to jump over sticks on the ground as well as duck underneith branches of trees. After making your way out of the forest, you come across an old cave-woman standing at the end of a pond in which 4 turtles are bobbing up and down. She mocks you with a club and yells "Jump sucker" in a little cartoon bubble. The goal is to try and time your jumps just right so that you can hit all the turtles backs before they go under, and also avoid being smacked with the club at the end. If you do this correctly, you're onto the 4th phase of the game. At this point, you will approach a steep hill that you have to ride up, while avoiding rolling rocks coming down the slope and holes in the ground as well. When reaching the top of the hill, you (again) must jump over rocks and pits until a bird with long legs appears overhead. Time your speed just right and position yourself underneith the bird so it will lift you over the giant lava pit. After this, you begin to come down the hillside and jump over obstacles as usual. You want to make your guy reach max speed because up ahead there will be a giant pool that you have to jump over...you can only accomplish this at a top speed. After this, you are nearing the end of the level in which you have to dodge a dragon's head that pops out of a cave in a cliffside, much like hoping on the turtles...time it right, and inside the cave you are. Once you're inside the cave, you have to duck stalagtite and jump stalagmite...or vice-versa...I forget which is which. Then, you have reached the princess...and the game starts over again...only a bit more difficult.

Overall rating: 5/10. Game is kind of boring after you beat it, but it does have nice graphics for an Atari, and the characters are cool.



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
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Location: Lud

PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #8 Dynasty Tactics 2 For: Playstation 2

Sometimes I can't decide if I should like the company KOEI or if I should be utterly disgusted with them. They've made one heck of a franchise for themselves by marketing all of these 'dynasty' games based off of the Three Kingdoms period in China. For the most part, I really enjoy a lot of their games and feel that with each succession, they improve on the quality of the game as well. There are exceptions though, like with the KESSEN series, in which you're supposed to have control over whole battle scenes and test your skills as a general, where in actuallity, you have little control and tactics mean nothing. There is also the complete rip-off "Dynasty Warriors-extreme series" where they added close to nothing and charged you full price for it.
However, we're not talking about any of that today...today, I'd like to write about Dynasty Tactics 2. This is, in my opinion, a phenomonal game. It combines the strategy of chess along with the strength of war. I generally like to play this game on versus mode, as it is more fun to match wits with a friend, than it is to play the actual game itself...though that's not too bad either. Each player has a giant army of about 50,000 soldiers that are ready to go to war. On screen, only the generals are represented though, so you have about 10 generals with 8-10,000 (hit-points) / (soldiers). Each character moves differently because they're on horseback/foot. The object is to take out the main General and then you win. Hmmm...this could honestly go on forever, and I'm almost out of time....anyhow, if you like strategy games...get this one!

Dynasty Tactics 2 8/10



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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Slomgom_Commie



Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 7909
Location: Hiding in your house.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One time I played Fast Food! NOPERS, NOT THE PURPLE PICKLE!!!!

Fuck-ass.
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 10:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #9 Outlaw/Howitzer For: Atari 800

A double-game package...Outlaw and Howitzer are similar type games with a couple major differences.

First off, Outlaw is a game that you can play against the computer, or a friend. You are a cowboy dueling against another cowboy in a cactus patch. The first person to hit the other guy 10 times is the winner. Your bullets also ricochet off of cacti as well...so it's not difficult to accidently shoot yourself.

Howitzer is a similar game, only you have tanks on two sides of a river that shoot at one another. First one to blow up the other persons tank 10 times is the winner.


Both games are very two dimensional and quite archaic when it comes to graphics...but hey, it's Atari.

I actually find both games mildly amusing from time to time when playing against someone else...but they get old in a hurry. Also, trying to out duel the computer is very difficult.

Overall rating: 4/10



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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Roland Deschain



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 4554
Location: Lud

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 10:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Game #10 Simpsons Road Rage For: Playstation 2

I bought this game a couple weeks ago in the cheap section because I remembered playing it once it first came out and thought it was enjoyable. I guess it wasn't as fun as I recalled.

The game is pretty much the same as 'Crazy Taxi' in where you drive all over the place like a mad-man/woman picking up passengers and trying to get them to their destination as quickly as possible...all the while smashing into shit with no regard for anything or anybody. The game is full of all your favorite Simpsons characters to play as, or pick up as passengers.
Honestly, I get no real enjoyment out of this game...not even trying to break my own records...I just don't give a rat's ass. There are only five levels to play on as well, so it gets old in a hurry.
So in closing, screw this game...it's not much fun. Play Mario Kart double-dash for the Gamecube consol if you dig racin' around.

Overall grade: 3/10 (mostly because I like Professor Frink)



Last edited by Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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