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Author
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Topic: My Grandpa says some funny shit.
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Billy V Gan
Punk Posts: 1116
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 12:55 PM
   
Actually I thought Zom's answer was cool. The thread can turn into more about Grandpas than funny things they said. Let it build.IP: Logged |
ice_cube
Punk Posts: 144
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 12:59 PM
I'm not saying that his shit wasn't cool. not here to stifle, man. the dude abides.IP: Logged |
Chelsea40ozBondage
Punk Posts: 2284
Registered: May 2000
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posted 08-09-2002 01:19 PM
In New Orleans, one of the local weatherman moved around very energetically all over the screen during his portion of the newscast. My grandma used to say he was like a fart in a skillet.
When it rained and the sun was out, she would say the devil was beating his wife.
My Grandfather is quite the character, but nothing is coming to mind at the moment...IP: Logged |
povertyrich
Punk Posts: 1215
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 01:24 PM
My ma's pa was a character. Told stories with energy and said "sonofabitch" alot. Had a kick-ass wheezy belly laugh, almost like Muttley's. IP: Logged |
cire
Punk Posts: 524
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 03:37 PM
I'm pretty lucky to have a good deal of longevity in my family. I don't remember my moms dad saying much funny, but he's the only of my grandparents to have kicked so far, from ome bizarre disease that the docs never did figure out, and the only other case they had seen was his twin. The interesting thing about that the team of doctors that performed his autopsy (yes, team) couldn't understand how he was still alive and hadn't died years ago. His autopsy was seventeen pages long. (I'm told a normal one is one or two) My other grandfather is still a practicing accountant, and quite sharp. Shit, When I was born, five (I believe) of my great-grandparents were still alive. I actually got to know three of them, and remember them quite well.That's gotta be about twice as long as I've ever posted, I'd better stop... IP: Logged |
Clyde
Punk Posts: 1271
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted 08-09-2002 05:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by knobgoblin:
The only sound I remember besides gas coming from my grampa was the sound of coins in his pocket...meant for me...of course....
That's kinda creepy coming from your Grampa, but I'll be sure to have a pocket of change next time I see you. 
IP: Logged |
MoldyRamone
Punk Posts: 1005
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted 08-09-2002 07:58 PM
Can't remember anything clever or funny but I do remember once my Grandpa K. Left his plug of chewing tobacco on the coffee table. I picked it up to look at it (I was 5 or 6 at the time) and Grandpa told me it was chocolate. So in my mouth it went. Bleccch! Grandma gave him hell for that one.IP: Logged |
stinkbot
Punk Posts: 1000
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 08:07 PM
my dad's dad used to mumble alot of nonsense I thought he was drunk all the time, turns out he was just swedish.IP: Logged |
midgette
Lil Punk Posts: 6
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-11-2002 12:36 AM
Grandpa used to take a banana and turn it into Kermit the Frog. Then he'd refer to the Kraft singles slices as being OOST...show me his tattoo....laugh like Ernie....and then in his quiet, Swedish way, take a subtle stab at Grandma and how she's a bossy, Italian blabbermouth busybody.Damn, I miss him. My other grandpa had a nightstick thing that he called his "friendly persuader." That's odd! Why do so many grandpas have these things?!! Um, hello...illegal! Damn, I miss him. Italian Grandma is still here though, bless her olive oil soul. My fave recent Nana moment has to be when she told my father that she and her fellow old lady friend Vera were going to Cub to get their mammograms. Uhh, since when did mammogram exams start becoming available in GROCERY STORES?!!!
Whenever I think of this I get a really bad visual of old woman boobs on the checkout counter. Uggggggh! oh yeah, Thanksgiving was great too last year. She told my cousin that his goatee looked like the hair on a monkey's butt. Way to go Gram! At that moment I decided I needed to use the bathroom again for the 100th time in a row.... IP: Logged |
Jzzz
Punk Posts: 1784
Registered: Apr 2000
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posted 08-11-2002 12:38 AM
"Keep your eye on the donut, not the hole" IP: Logged |
troll
Punk Posts: 258
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-11-2002 09:24 AM
A friend's gramps would burp and then exclaim; "Saves wear and tear on your underwear."IP: Logged |
Dairyman
Punk Posts: 309
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted 08-12-2002 02:07 PM
My grandpa just got knee surgury. The poor guy is stuck in a nursing home for a week. He is the stubborn old man type. He used to work all over the place for the CAT company fixing shit up and one time his appendix burst, but he refused to go to the hospital. He almost killed himself. One time I was looking at a catalog for some gear and he said to me "what do you need all those guitars for, anyone can play it all you do is BANG away on it!" He did admit to enjoying an Elvis impersonator one time though. IP: Logged |
UnstuckGus
Punk Posts: 266
Registered: Oct 2000
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posted 08-13-2002 02:31 PM
My Mom's mom was talking on the phone to my brother and I about 5 years ago on some holiday, and she said that she had gone to a restaurant there in Columbus, OH. She said, "we went to, oh what's it called, Fuck...Fuckin'...Fuckers?" I think it's a much better name than Fuddrucker's myself.IP: Logged |
povertyrich
Punk Posts: 1215
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-13-2002 02:45 PM
Just remembered a good Grampa story as told by a cousin....
My Gramma and Grampa were out fishing with said cousin. They were arguing about what spot would be best when gramma said "Will you just humor me this time?"
To which grampa responded "I been humorin' you for 40 years." IP: Logged |
DEA
Punk Posts: 1424
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 08-13-2002 03:23 PM
My dad's dad cut the index finger off of his left hand when he was in his early 30's. It was great for "dissapearing finger" jokes like pickin' his nose and cleaning his ears when we were kids. The wierdest part is my dad is now able to keep up the tradition with the new bunch of little ones...he lost the same finger...at about the same age.They also both have a tendency of stopping in the middle of a set of stairs and forgetting if they were going up or down. It's really funny to see it...except when you realize that you're starting to do it, too! I told this somewhere on here before, but my grandma used to send my grandpa to work everyday with a baloney (sp?) and grape jelly sandwich...20-some years into their marriage he finally got up the nerve to tell her that he never actually ate them but didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that at the time. IP: Logged |
Haystack
Punk Posts: 229
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-16-2002 12:43 AM
from Grandpa Ernie
"it so cold the horse froze in mid trot" "go to the store and get grandpa some Copenhagen" me,
"grandpa, i'm 9." IP: Logged |
povertyrich
Punk Posts: 1215
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 09-20-2002 10:41 AM
My Grandpa once said in reference to a randy old college buddy of his..."He'd fuck a rock if he thought there was something living under it." That dude was horny. IP: Logged |
autopsygrrrl
Punk Posts: 1050
Registered: May 2001
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posted 09-20-2002 02:39 PM
My uncle is trying to compile a list of all my grandpa's sayings. I never realized there were so many and that some are unique to my family.If someone was in the bathroom and he needed to use it: "Hey in there! Break it off!" If someone has a big beer gut (himself included): "Looks like he's smuggling the medicine ball out of the gym." If you found a nickel between the couch cushions: "If you found it in the house, it wasn't lost." If someone was really fat: "She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book." If someone was really skinny: "She's gotta move around in the shower in order to get wet." If he had to go to the bathroom: "I'm gonna go shake the dew off the lily." My grandpa's nickname as a kid was "Buck" and my grandma's was "Tiny" (especially funny because she's far from tiny now). Once when they pulled into the driveway my uncle said, "Oh. Buck & Tiny are here." He also thought the Big Mouth Billy Bass was fucking hysterical. IP: Logged |
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