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Author
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Topic: My Grandpa says some funny shit.
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Slojo_Coma
Punk Posts: 1324
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 02:17 PM
   
My Grandpa is 78 and says a lot of funny stuff, a lot of it is intentionally funny and a lot of it is not. Choice selections:"That guy's all crippled up, he's got money comin' outta his ears." "He's nuttier than a truck load of fruit cakes." More to come as they are remembered. In the mean time let's hear what kinda funny shit your eldest elders say. IP: Logged |
Charles Monroe
Lil Punk Posts: 20
Registered: Aug 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 02:25 PM
My grandfather used to tell me I was crazier than a shithouse rat.IP: Logged |
comando
Punk Posts: 233
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 02:32 PM
My dad's line is "he/she is wierder than a two peckered billy goat"IP: Logged |
cire
Punk Posts: 524
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 02:40 PM
I guess this is more 'the strage things my grandma says' than the funny, but... The two that come to mind from my grandma are the use of the word 'bitchin' where anyone from my generation would say 'fuckin', and the phrase "shit eating grin". I wanna know where that phrase comes from. Why would anyone eating shit grin?
Wait I remembered another one: 'Jesus Martha'(huh???)IP: Logged |
Evil Angel
Punk Posts: 1662
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 03:14 PM
My Granpa Vito said to me "It's about time your fucking divorce is done!!" That man had never swore around me and it's the first time.My other Granpa Samuel, who knew his Alziemer will take over his mind, told my family, he rather die sleeping with another's man' s wife. Right now, he's in nursing home and his disease gotten worse. IP: Logged |
molly coddle
Punk Posts: 2546
Registered: May 2001
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posted 08-07-2002 04:04 PM
during heavy rain storms, this would be said,"good night for a murder" IP: Logged |
Evil Angel
Punk Posts: 1662
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 04:06 PM
quote:
Originally posted by molly coddle:
during heavy rain storms, this would be said,"good night for a murder"
Oh my!!! Is there something we don't know?? Mafia, gang or serial killer? IP: Logged |
Billy V Gan
Punk Posts: 1116
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 04:07 PM
My Dad used to say that too. Everytime I hear loud thunder I think it too. I think I listen to too much Big Fuckin Skull.IP: Logged |
m o n k
Punk Posts: 873
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 04:38 PM
comando: "he/she is wierder than a two peckered billy goat" I heard it from a guy I used to work with, but he said "hornier than a two-peckered billygoat in a flock of ewes". Lovely huh? cire: "Jesus Martha" My dad says that. Never heard anyone else say it. molly coddle: "good night for a murder" I've never heard this before but I will definitly start saying it myself. IP: Logged |
vendetta77
Punk Posts: 1139
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted 08-07-2002 04:48 PM
my gramps used to give us a quarter and say, "Now don't spend it all in one place!"He also would say to us (when we were kids):
"If you unscrew your belly button, your butt will fall off!!" He was an odd one. IP: Logged |
Vladmyr
Punk Posts: 1089
Registered: Oct 2001
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posted 08-07-2002 04:54 PM
when my grandpa had to use the bathroom it was "I've gotta go see a man about a horse"
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2fisted
Punk Posts: 1812
Registered: Mar 2000
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posted 08-07-2002 05:48 PM
"Thats tighter than a fleas ass stretched over a rain barrel!""why the hell where weomen allowed to drive!" & when he's told to beat it by some gal at the piano bar he says
"Crimp in your love life eh!" funny, but a real jerk at times. IP: Logged |
alizrin
Punk Posts: 447
Registered: May 2001
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posted 08-07-2002 06:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Vladmyr:
when my grandpa had to use the bathroom it was "I've gotta go see a man about a horse"
My dad says that all the time. My grandpas are both dead, so I think dad is handling all the cornball sayings on behalf of the family. Me: "ok, dad, talk to you later - I gotta go now"
Dad: "take your time going, but hurry back" IP: Logged |
trailerdiva
Punk Posts: 576
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 08-07-2002 07:05 PM
My grandma used to say "if you eat on the toilet, you're feeding the devil". I always wondered who the hell ate on the toilet.IP: Logged |
stinkbot
Punk Posts: 1000
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-07-2002 07:33 PM
"you gotta wear underwear with your shorts so your fella don't flop out!"
he was hill folk.IP: Logged |
Billy V Gan
Punk Posts: 1116
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-08-2002 08:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by stinkbot:
"you gotta wear underwear with your shorts so your fella don't flop out!"
he was hill folk.
hahahahah!! That is some funny shit there! I love it. IP: Logged |
stu
Punk Posts: 299
Registered: Oct 2000
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posted 08-08-2002 10:10 AM
Grandpa Bob, affectionetly known as Pappy, will be turning 100 years old this fall. He recently moved out of his apartment into a nursing home, when I asked him about some of the residents in the home he referred to them as "a bunch of old people."Grandpa Herb, now deceased, wasn't much for strange sayings, but he had a short fuse. He had a lot of tools and gadgets and passed on the sage advice that if you had to borrow a tool more than twice it was time to get one of your own. My grandma is a real firecracker. She's 82 going on 25, in a grandma sort of way. She still wears her leopard print fur coats and goes around calling people stinkers and pinching them in the arm. BTW, I love the good night for a murder line. IP: Logged |
Swillmongrel
Punk Posts: 730
Registered: May 2000
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posted 08-08-2002 10:11 AM
My grandpa Art would describe my brother as "a fart in a windstorm". Same grandpa would tell me that if I swallowed an apple seed while eating an apple that an apple tree would grow in my stomach.My grandpa Herb would say he was "going to go shake hands with the president" when he meant go take a piss. My dad has more cornball sayings than I can keep track of, he has an endless reserve, I hear new ones all the time from him. One of my favorites is a response to someone who says something like "if only so and so was a certain way, or if only this or that happened". My dad will always reply "Yeah and if my aunt had testicles, she'd be my uncle." IP: Logged |
Dairyman
Punk Posts: 309
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted 08-08-2002 12:30 PM
One time I was walking home from school, I must have been in 4th or 5th grade cause I remember sixth graders were hassling me. My grandpa happened to be home so he came out of the house, walked up to the kids that were giving me shit and said, "See my finger see my thumb, see my fist you better run!" Needless to say the kids left, but I think they were more thinking "What the hell?" then what my grandpa had intended. There are so many of these too. I should write a book or somthing. IP: Logged |
Felix Havoc
Punk Posts: 1629
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 08-08-2002 12:36 PM
My all time favorites"Crooked as a dogs hind leg" (can be used in reference to a politician or a piece of lumber) "Jumping around like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest" And of course calling any heavy duty tool such as a breaker bar or sledgehammer "the persuader" IP: Logged |
povertyrich
Punk Posts: 1215
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-08-2002 12:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Felix Havoc:
My all time favorites"Crooked as a dogs hind leg" (can be used in reference to a politician or a piece of lumber) "Jumping around like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest" And of course calling any heavy duty tool such as a breaker bar or sledgehammer "the persuader"
Not a grampa saying, but my dad calls a breaker bar a "violence amplifier" IP: Logged |
m o n k
Punk Posts: 873
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-08-2002 04:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Felix Havoc:
And of course calling any heavy duty tool such as a breaker bar or sledgehammer "the persuader"
I like to call objects like baseball bats or crowbars "the enforcer". IP: Logged |
knobgoblin
Punk Posts: 637
Registered: Mar 2000
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posted 08-08-2002 05:31 PM
"Jumping around like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest"you win. The only sound I remember besides gas coming from my grampa was the sound of coins in his pocket...meant for me...of course....
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MO
Punk Posts: 711
Registered: Oct 2001
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posted 08-08-2002 05:41 PM
If you smarted off to my father he'd shake his fist and say "Do you want to meet Madame Fist and her five daughters?" (He was only kidding of course).IP: Logged |
The Big O
Punk Posts: 379
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted 08-08-2002 09:41 PM
My great grandma requested that someone grab her "shitty brown colored sweater" in the closet.4 Bloody's, 6 beers,
The Big O IP: Logged |
Dairyman
Punk Posts: 309
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted 08-08-2002 11:26 PM
Me and my brother were leaving my grandparents house. We said we would see them at my birthday party. Then my grandpa said, "I'll bring shorty" motioning to my grandmaThis is great stuff keep it coming! KEEP IT COMING! IP: Logged |
stinkbot
Punk Posts: 1000
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 06:48 AM
then there were the times when we'd go to McDonalds in uptown around '83 and ol grand-dad would say "will you look at those goddamned blue hairded faggits, it's like thays from the moon!"
like I said, hill folks.IP: Logged |
Billy V Gan
Punk Posts: 1116
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 08:23 AM
How bought "hotter than a hamster fuckin in a wool sock" My buddies grandpa used to say that all the time. "Colder than a witches tit" was a saying my Grandpa had.IP: Logged |
Felix Havoc
Punk Posts: 1629
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 08-09-2002 08:48 AM
My Great Grand Dad asked me once if I wanted a beer (I was like 12). I was like "what kind?" He's like "What the hell does it matter, it all comes out of the same horse"IP: Logged |
vendetta77
Punk Posts: 1139
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted 08-09-2002 10:09 AM
Grampa used to introduce himself, "Name's Bob Brokaw. Broke aaaaaaaw the time."
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stinkbot
Punk Posts: 1000
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 10:09 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Felix Havoc:
My Great Grand Dad asked me once if I wanted a beer (I was like 12). I was like "what kind?" He's like "What the hell does it matter, it all comes out of the same horse"
Thats pure genius.
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Dedly Daego
Punk Posts: 468
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 08-09-2002 11:20 AM
When I was very small my grandpa deided that it was his goal in life to convince me that I looked like a gorilla.So anytime we saw a gorilla, or a statue of one, or even a picture he'd do this horrid thing to my ribs with his knuckles until I admitted that I looked like a gorilla. To this day I still I fucking hate monkeys. IP: Logged |
Billy V Gan
Punk Posts: 1116
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 11:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Dedly Daego:
When I was very small my grandpa deided that it was his goal in life to convince me that I looked like a gorilla.So anytime we saw a gorilla, or a statue of one, or even a picture he'd do this horrid thing to my ribs with his knuckles until I admitted that I looked like a gorilla. To this day I still I fucking hate monkeys.
I almost pissed myself. Stop that Daego. IP: Logged |
LEMMY
Punk Posts: 118
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 12:14 PM
My old grandpa, when he wasn't drinking brandy and Sevens like they were going out of style, was one funny bastard. He used to say:"Ya know, you're a fart smeller. I mean a smart feller!" "I'm hornier than a two-peckered billygoat." And my grandma had huge tits, so sometimes when she would walk through the room he would say, "Hey Sonny, look at the tits on grandma! Wow!" (that was a little hard to take - you can't really sit there and agree)
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DC55110
Punk Posts: 115
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 12:20 PM
Whenever I was in the car with my Great Grandpa and we would come to a stoplight he would ask me “is it gray or white?” Being six and not knowing he was colorblind I thought it was a game. I’m surprised we never got into an accident.
And cars with one headlight out were “One Eyed Japs”
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zomzom
Punk Posts: 77342189
Registered: Mar 1920
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posted 08-09-2002 12:24 PM
Grandpa on my dad's side got crushed between two streetcars in Montreal in the '30s, so I never met the man of course.
Grandpa on my mom's side died when I was 1, so I only have pictures to remember.
I wish I could've heard their stories, one was from Poland and escaped during WWI with forged documents and the other was a boxer/wrestler.IP: Logged |
Billy V Gan
Punk Posts: 1116
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 12:30 PM
quote:
Originally posted by zomzom:
Grandpa on my dad's side got crushed between two streetcars in Montreal in the '30s, so I never met the man of course.
Grandpa on my mom's side died when I was 1, so I only have pictures to remember.
I wish I could've heard their stories, one was from Poland and escaped during WWI with forged documents and the other was a boxer/wrestler.
Grandpa on my Dad's side was a logger in Upper Wisconsin in the 1910's so there were cool stories about that. He is also the one who saw John Dillenger. Died when I was 12. Grandpa on my Mom's side was in the Coast Gurad during the war so I heard all theose stories. Died when I was 17. I joined the ARMY because I knew it would have made him proud. IP: Logged |
ice_cube
Punk Posts: 144
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 08-09-2002 12:32 PM
zom, we all appreciate the memory.Not as funny as some of the others, but still we thank you. unless that was a joke and if it was, it was pretty freakin' funny. IP: Logged |
vendetta77
Punk Posts: 1139
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted 08-09-2002 12:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LEMMY:
And my grandma had huge tits, so sometimes when she would walk through the room he would say, "Hey Sonny, look at the tits on grandma! Wow!" (that was a little hard to take - you can't really sit there and agree)
oh god, that is really disturbing. so wrong...  IP: Logged |
zomzom
Punk Posts: 77342189
Registered: Mar 1920
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posted 08-09-2002 12:40 PM
Is no joke.. just that I usually have some useless blather to throw into just about any conversation, but this time I couldn't because both my grandpas died long ago.
I really only knew one grandparent, Nana, my mom's mom who also came from Poland. She was super-cool and nice.
She died when I was 6, not much longevity in my gene pool.IP: Logged |
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