posted 12-08-2002 07:40 PM            

VIOLENT RAMP - s/t debut 7" $4

Debut release by Ann Arbor threesome Violent Ramp whose members share time in the industrial hell dub trio Wolf Eyes. Hardcore skate punk in Negative Approach style with no fear of physical loss. Skate ramp set up to kick drum at shows and drummer gets face carved.

“Members of Wolf Eyes shred there avant sludge leanings and go for the rock and roll throat,drag there skate ramp to the gig, drop it in front of the kick drum and let everyone thrash the way skateboarderts should have been doing all along. Hardcore because these guys aint concerned about style or trends, this core is stationed in purity, energy and getting your rocks off. Bring your board, mace in your face.”
– Twig Harper, Nautical Almanac

“Fast, hard, brutal, unforgiving crash of bodies, strings, sticks & boards. A ramp was placed right up against the drum kit, so often one of the several skaters rolling back & forth between the crowd & amongst the band would go right up and at the drummer. The "ann arbor 3" set up in front of the stage, providence-style, and proceeded to pummel the crowd into submission with a perfectly-timed set of skate-thrash hell.”
- Lonesomewill, Desiderata

“Violent Ramp are killer steam. Ollie on my face. They do the thing bitch stylie, rad ollie grip tape on the ramp. If you don't buy this record, you have missed what the entire 80's skate scene was about. Kill me, my Zorlac shreds. I wish I could skate.” – Pete Larson, 25 Suaves/Couch/Danse Asshole Bulb Records

interview in VICE http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n2/htdocs/skate_or.php

NO DOCTORS - s/t debut LP $10

No Doctors are a rock and roll band.

"The Point at which Mariah Carey and Harry Pussy shall meet" begins Weasel, a serial novel by CansaFis, the singer, saxophonist and violist for the Chicago group No Doctors. The phrase fairly describes No Doctors' sound, which takes the focused, spontaneous brutality of Harry Pussy and Mariah Carey's crotch-to-crotch crooning and rivets it to a swaggering blues-rock template. Anyone longing for the days when "acid-soaked" meant something a little more outside than the average Elephant 6 act, not to mention less dependent upon a well-curated record collection, need look no further than No Docs' debut platter, which for my money is the best new electric blues record since Royal Trux's Twin Infinitives." - Chris Davis, Nashville Scene

No Doctors debut album on Freedom From is but a single rich, sweet slice from a legend of a pie made from this thick, yeasty dough that keeps shifting shape and growing in size. Having witnessed more than a half-dozen shows by this band during the previous year, I can state this with impunity. Although the actual personnel has varied almost randomly, one thing remains constant: these guys will fuck your girl. They will. It's simple. It's not out of any petty horniness, though. It's about love and soul and rubbing bellies. The intermingling of sweat and the touch of a firm, yet gentle hand. I'm talking about the music here, dumbass. The core of the band revolves around the solid partnership of guitarist/yowler Chauncey Chaumpers, the iconic autodidact known as CansaFis, and mindbending lead six-string avenger Elvis DeMorrow. They are accompanied on this recording by the organic percussive tumbling of Mr. Muthafuckin' Brian.

No Doctors work best when they aren't trying to convince you that they're some kind of stupid-ass "Avant Garde" band. They are able to slide into the old earhole most seductively when they simply rock the fuck out. The LP's standout tracks include the multi-tiered opening attack of "The Quarry," "Sharkskin Blues" (featuring a tandem vocal gangbang from both Chaumpers and multifarious pretty-boy 'Fis), "Liberty," and the show-stopping grunt entitled "Jailbreak". Months ago, I watched a six-piece edition of the Docs (including erstwhile bassman Giggles the Clown and mustachioed svengali Mastamillions on trumpet) transform a capacity crowd of completely ersatz hippie/yuppie/collegiate simpletons into a frenzied pack of rock and roll true believers with these classic chestnuts. For that one brief moment in time, it was is if that ungodly penis-wrinkle Dave Matthews had never been born. Believe me, I slept extremely well that night (the Everclear/Cranberry Juice cocktail from the after-party held at the band's "Animal House"-style frat HQ didn't hurt too much either.) These guitars are cranked and then bent to shards with infinite elbow grease. These voices howl and croon with melancholic lust and determination. This is the sound that will change rock this year.

For those of you who like a bit o' sugar in your glass of piss, No Doctors offer you a bit of solace in the basic acoustic country-blues number "Sweet Green Curry". If you like things a bit on the tense and dark side, try the sinister, minimalist drone called "Solomon Grundy" (which comes complete with some rather spectral viola scraping). Oh yeah, and if you're one of those pretentious dicks that can't put down the new WIRE Magazine for one cotton-picking second, there's always the annoying, random-noise tracks that comprise the final third of this release: "Coyote," "Man With the Golden Gunt," and "Shampoo". Oh yeah baby, fuckin' blah blah blah with your sound-collage/laptop/improv/concrete/IDM listening wanker self -- I'm glad to say that the Doctors bring actual man-balls to the now impotent and ineffectual experimental/noise arena. We don't need any more friggin' noodlin' from nobody, kids. We need strong, virile hunks teaching us sonic lessons by really "putting the boot in". Here it is.

Just as the the group's immortal avatar and psychic soulmate Kclopez (aka Dub Klopps, der Clopez, Clopes, CCloPese, et al.) hovers above the three external realms by dreaming, No Doctors descend with merciless vengeance on the listening public. Ladies, you have been fucked. Men, you are pissed off. Now shoo. Get owda here and buy the goddamn record already." - Weasel Walter, Flying Luttenbackers/To Live & Shave in LA/Hatebreed

on the cover of the Chicago Reader http://www.chireader.com/hitsville/021101.html review by Misty Martinez!
http://www.freedom-from.com if you got this far!

upcoming in 2003:

erase errata/numbers 7"
artic universe 7"
ice rod 7"
hair police 7"
v/a - like a rug in a lake cd feat. harry pussy, wolf eyes, quintron, sonic youth, orchid spangiafora w/don van vliet, derek bailey, the minutemen, cavities, cock e.s.p., many more
v/a - ff comp 1 feat. wolf eyes, danse asshole, the lowdown, crack:we are rock, numbers, total shutdown, no doctors, hair police, nautical almanac, deerhoof, curtains, mammal, ashcroft...
reynols/decaer pinga LP
No Doctors - Hunting Season LP/CD
Hair Police LP/CD

an unending amount more.

love to see ya.