|
Author
|
Topic: Felix's Viking Flyer
|
Chelsea40ozBondage
Punk Posts: 2284
Registered: May 2000
|
posted 12-09-2002 07:54 AM
   
 Today's Kids have no Valor
By Higelac of the Healdanes
Eighth Century Norse Viking
I am Higelac of the Healfdanes, and I have spoken: The youth of today have no valor! No courage of kings! T-shirts? Blue jeans? When I was a young man we wore bone helmets and horns that proclaimed our kinship with valorous deeds of courage.
We wore hairshirts that ripped our flesh even as we drank our mead. And we fought for great treasures known across this middle earth! My son, Unferth-the-Spirited, once sacked an entire mead-hall for a bloody boar's head hanging from the door.
This was his treasure: he wore it and became known as Unferth-the-Boar's-Head. Where is such valor today?
Last week I spied a young man exchanging money for a Snickers bar. Money? Exchange? Where is the honor in such an act? And further, he did not even stab the cashier when he left.
I am Higelac, son of Hrothgar, who wore Banloc, the sword of the Scyldings, as a token of his valor. I sacked for gold and jewels. I have lost patience with today's youth, with their "music" and their "automobiles." I demand viking ships, spears, sword and torture devices! Last week I saw a young maiden taking part in a most shameful exchange. She was providing fellow citizens coffee in return for paper currency. What has this nation-state come to? Hwaet! Lo!
I want swords! Fire! I want sacking and burning! Where is the courage in negotiation? Without deeds of valor and courage, how do we remember the name of Wealtheow the Peaceweaver? We do not, I tell you!
When I was a young viking, we sacked for the sake of sacking! We burned for the sake of burning! I sacked and stabbed for the treasures of Geatmaecgas! I slaughtered friend and foe, monster and demon. I, chief Healfdane warrior, once slew an entire village. Banloc the Brilliant once took 500 in that time. Where is that valor today? Lost! Lost!
Just yesterday I saw several lads playing "basketball" in the park. Worthless rabble! Gone are the days when we thought everyone to be the enemy, and we committed great crimes against humanity.
These youth must be armed with byrnes and shields, with swords and helmets hewn from the bones of great beasts slaughtered in battle. They must raid and sack and pillage!
I, Higelac, took Banloc and smote Ecqtheow, leader of the Danes, at the Battle of Finnsburgh. On that day a greta many heads were lost. But no one smites anymoer!
This morning I saw a froup of children running around playing tag. And who was killed? No one! There was no carnage, no headless beasts, nothing!
And for what? Again, I say, nothing! No head of the wicked Grendel, no houses of kings, no spoils at all.
You call this valor? We need sacking and burning! The whole of this middle earth will be destroyed without the might might of its people. We will perish in the depths of the dark abyss, leaving no name behind. The need for valor is urgent, the time of reckoning imminent. Nation's youth, hear me and hear me well: I know all of this, for I am Higelac, prince of that fame known across this Land, and I have spoken! Aaaaarrrgggh! ------------------
C40 C40 C40 GO! IP: Logged |
The Artful Dodger
Punk Posts: 858
Registered: May 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 08:21 AM
Ooo!
I wonder if Pirates ever fought Vikings?IP: Logged |
Felix Havoc
Punk Posts: 1629
Registered: Sep 2000
|
posted 12-09-2002 08:26 AM
Chelsea, I'm stoked you finally found that. Pretty much sums up how I feel about the kids these days and their "music" bring it back old school Viking style. IP: Logged |
zomzom
Punk Posts: 77342189
Registered: Mar 1920
|
posted 12-09-2002 08:38 AM
Didn't you people see the Vikings exhibit?
They weren't about sacking, pillaging and looting, and they didn't wear those stupid helmets either, that was a recently created false image, it came from German opera.
Real Vikings paddled around in those boats, making friends wherever they landed.
Nice, pleasant, industrious Vikings.
IP: Logged |
Chelsea40ozBondage
Punk Posts: 2284
Registered: May 2000
|
posted 12-09-2002 08:53 AM
That's okay, zom, that helmet was one of my first ever photoshop projects.
And Felix, dammit, next time you go to Bob's early in the morning, take me with! Unless you're too good for a ghetto chick like me.  IP: Logged |
Daley
Punk Posts: 1406
Registered: Mar 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 09:04 AM
i must, as an actual scandanavian decendent, point out that zom is right here. The vikings made more friends than enemies. that's one of the reasons why there was little "historical evidence" that they beat Columbus here. War usually = history or at least some grand tales and a battle field. Peace and friendship are boring so no one sings or writes about it and there's not usually much evidence left behind.Re; german opera, Wagner can bite me. IP: Logged |
Cletus Mensch
Punk Posts: 537
Registered: Feb 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 10:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Daley:
Peace and friendship are boring so no one sings or writes about it and there's not usually much evidence left behind.
Thet doesn't seem to explanes the goddamerong hippys!!!
IP: Logged |
stinkbot
Punk Posts: 1000
Registered: Jul 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 11:51 AM
that helmet looks awful familiar, could it be that Higelac of the Healfdanes sacked the robot from metropolis?
 IP: Logged |
Ollie Stench
Admin Posts: 2386
Registered: Jan 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 12:04 PM
Yay sleep! THat's where I'm a Viking!There was a Viking exhibit at the IoA in the late 70's that I went to. It was pretty cool, but I don't remember much about it. I guess no one deemed it worthy of an epic poem. IP: Logged |
billy
Punk Posts: 505
Registered: Jan 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 02:12 PM
I just went to the exibit,but it was full of a LOT of screaming kids climbing over everything,so I breezed through it.IP: Logged |
Felix Havoc
Punk Posts: 1629
Registered: Sep 2000
|
posted 12-09-2002 03:00 PM
I look so happy in that picture too, like I just slew a great beast and sacked an emo show. How do you know all that stuff about Vikings being peacefull and industrious isn't a bunch of pious revisionism. What about the Varangian guard? The Norman Conquest? Turn up the Bathory, dip the oars in the black water and sail forward into battle!IP: Logged |
zomzom
Punk Posts: 77342189
Registered: Mar 1920
|
posted 12-09-2002 03:19 PM
Too many comic books, bad movies and black metal albums have tainted your world view.
I suppose it's revisionist in the sense that it's revising former inaccuracies and misconceptions.
If'n you want to wear the pointy hat and yell about Grffllgllersrulrr and Valdreroueuckgurlrus though, that's cool.IP: Logged |
dadaduck
Punk Posts: 886
Registered: Jun 2000
|
posted 12-09-2002 03:22 PM
Most of the Norsemen who went "a viking" did so because they were an impoverished people living on extremely marginal land. The typical Viking diet was gruel. The reality was not very romantic. Kind of dreary, actually. IP: Logged |
Finn McCool
Punk Posts: 500
Registered: Jul 2002
|
posted 12-09-2002 03:27 PM
quote:
Originally posted by dadaduck:
The typical Viking diet was gruel.
Spam, spam, spam, gruel, and spam. IP: Logged |
Fry
Punk Posts: 509
Registered: Nov 2001
|
posted 12-09-2002 04:48 PM
Were the Finns vikings?IP: Logged |
Felix Havoc
Punk Posts: 1629
Registered: Sep 2000
|
posted 12-09-2002 09:04 PM
No, Finland was still pretty much tribal peoples, reindeer herding and shit. Some Vikings hung out on the islands off the Finnish coast, but there wasn't much Finnish civilisation to sack yet, so most vikings sought out more lucrative routes for both trade and plunder beyond Finland. Vikings did a lot of trade and colonization in Russia and on the baltic coast, but the people who lived in the area at the time were pretty much subsistence types with little to trade or loot. Remember that the poles, russians and germans hadn't made it to that part of the Baltic coast yet. The Germans conquored later like 1250s on. The Swedes did eventually take over the whole area, but long after the viking era. IP: Logged |
Cletus Mensch
Punk Posts: 537
Registered: Feb 2002
|
posted 12-10-2002 12:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Finn McCool:
Spam, spam, spam, gruel, and spam.
ones cannot exits on SPAM alone!! IP: Logged |
DWITT
Punk Posts: 141
Registered: Nov 2002
|
posted 12-10-2002 12:50 AM
did somebody say too many comic books? Nah, couldn't be...------------------
"Excellent Cartoonery" IP: Logged |
Ollie Stench
Admin Posts: 2386
Registered: Jan 2002
|
posted 12-10-2002 04:09 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Felix Havoc:
Turn up the Bathory,
 quote:
dip the oars in the black water
http://www.rathergood.com/vikings/ quote:
and sail forward into battle!
IP: Logged |
dadaduck
Punk Posts: 886
Registered: Jun 2000
|
posted 12-10-2002 09:18 AM
Viking Metal http://www.yorkarchaeology.co.uk/piclib/photos.php IP: Logged |
Fry
Punk Posts: 509
Registered: Nov 2001
|
posted 12-10-2002 07:54 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Felix Havoc:
No, Finland was still pretty much tribal peoples, reindeer herding and shit. Some Vikings hung out on the islands off the Finnish coast, but there wasn't much Finnish civilisation to sack yet, so most vikings sought out more lucrative routes for both trade and plunder beyond Finland. Vikings did a lot of trade and colonization in Russia and on the baltic coast, but the people who lived in the area at the time were pretty much subsistence types with little to trade or loot. Remember that the poles, russians and germans hadn't made it to that part of the Baltic coast yet. The Germans conquored later like 1250s on. The Swedes did eventually take over the whole area, but long after the viking era.
Damnit, lousy less cool ancestors. IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
TCPUNK
